omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
