She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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