yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
