I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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