we have officially lost it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
