If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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