Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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