It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
