mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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