Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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