i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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