Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize