I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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