When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
