Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
