fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
