He disabled his match.com account in front of me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
