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• (561): View more from Florida

  I am going to give you the keys to my place

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Then I'll give you the keys to my heart

  (561): View more from Florida

  Gag me

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?

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• (352): View more from Florida

  I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....

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• (210): View more from Texas

  If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice

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