Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
