Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
