Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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