she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
