It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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