Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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