We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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