do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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