I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
