The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
