I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
