I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
