that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
