Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
