I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
