What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
