I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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