Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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