I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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