Where did you get a picture of my penis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
