My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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