i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
