A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
how does that bad decision feel?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
