Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
