people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
