someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize