I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
