So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
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