I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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