Please, let me fuck your mom
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize