Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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