She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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