3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
