Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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