the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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