I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
