if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
