the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
