Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
