I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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