Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
