I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
