weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
