I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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