addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize