just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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