Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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