Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
