Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
