i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
