Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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